Knights of the Old Republic 2: Angel of Mercy
by morgancrow
Summary: Atton Rand is forced to confront his past as his relationship with Neve Angelus, the Exile, takes a turn.


0Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic 2

Angel of Mercy

Part One: Nar Shaddaa

_"Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within."_

_-James Baldwin_

Location: Malachor V Trayus Academy Core

**Atton:**

_Dying isn't all it's cracked up to be. I thought the least I could do with my lousy life is be able to die saving Neve from Kriea. That was the whole point of this exercise. Stop the wicked old bitch before she could warp the Exile into whatever crazy idea she had for the universe. But I failed, and now I hang here like some kind of demented broken trophy. I'm bait for the trap, with an outside to match my inside… And the only thing keeping me alive is Darth Traya._

_There's one good thing about this. She can't seem to force feed me memories anymore, which is strange, considering I thought when you were dying your life was supposed to flash before your eyes. Kriea seemed to be counting on it. Rubbing salt in the wound and all that crap. But those memories won't come… The only thing I can remember with any clarity is Neve, the Exile, my angel of mercy…_

Location: Nar Shaddaa Refugee Sector

Time: Three Months Ago

Neve Angelus, late of the Jedi Order, bolted through the labyrinth of corridors that made up the Nar Shaddaa Refugee compound. Atton Rand, her sometimes friend, sometimes verbal sparring partner, was hot on her heels. She wanted to get out of there before the Exchange thugs caught up with them, and then she wanted to strangle Atton for trying to steal supplies without checking to see if the guards were distracted. He grabbed her and yanked her down a narrow side hallway.

"This way." His voice was matter of fact as he pulled her through the doorway into the cavernous central area that was the refugees' 'living quarters'. Weaving between the cargo containers that acted as 'homes', and dodging masses of people, Atton seemed to find what he was looking for and pulled her into a half open container.

"Atton, this is the last place we want to be The Exchange was already causing them problems, remember?" she snapped at him.

"Listen, sweetheart, for a Jedi, you still need to learn a few things," he replied pulling off his jacket and messing his hair before yanking off her outer robe and throwing it into a corner. "Like when you're being hunted, you multiply potential targets. And…" Atton began undoing the fasteners on his shirt, shrugged then pulled Neve into a tight embrace. "You use misdirection. All they're going to see is a couple lovers looking for a little privacy."

"Lovers? Privacy?" Neve's usually pale face went bright crimson as she suddenly went still.

Leaning in, Atton smiled, "Hey, I'm not that bad. Could you at least pretend to enjoy this? For my manly pride?" He cut off any further protest as he pressed his lips to hers. This was an act, Atton knew it all too well, but the feeling of her body pressed against him made it difficult to think clearly. She seemed so tiny, but at the same time he could feel the muscular grace of her torso through her clothing. She had the body of a dancer, and her face was so blithely innocent. Deep gray eyes that could drown a man if he wasn't careful, that shaggy sandy blonde hair, along with a pert kissable mouth made her look like some debutante off Coruscant rather than the last of the Jedi. He remembered how he'd first seen her; that that khaki sack cloth and ashes deal that passed for lingerie. Didn't matter though, she was still beautiful. He couldn't touch her then, but now, here she was, in his arms.

_So, I'm a cad… Never said otherwise. _Atton thought as his hand gently stroked down her spine. Neve surged up into the kiss, taking him by surprise. Instinctively his lips parted and the kiss deepened into something real. Her lips were so sweet, so intoxicating. He traced them with his tongue, loving the softness of her. Her body melted into his as she inexpertly tried to keep up. Her passion made up for any lack of experience on her part. He slowed the pacing, giving Neve a chance to enjoy this as much as he was. They found their rhythm, hands slowly flowing over each other's bodies, exploring this new level of awareness. Atton could feel her wants and needs, as if someone had opened a door into her mind. He could see his angel was even more beautiful on the inside. It was like and yet so unlike what the lady Jedi had showed him. But beauty wasn't the only thing he found within. There was emptiness, and the echoes of the pain of thousands of deaths resonating through her soul. How she had the strength to stand with that weight pressing down on her was beyond him; he'd had enough trouble with feeling the death of one woman in his mind. In the face of that desecration, Atton's crimes paled. He found himself reaching out to her, not out of lust, but out of comfort and a decidedly more complex and confusing emotion than he ever ascribed to the word 'love'.

"Hey you!" the growling voice and tap on the shoulder were enough to break the mood rather spectacularly. Atton turned, keeping his body between Neve and the unwanted interruption. Opposition count: one human with a Rodian and a Gamorrean as backup. Atton shifted his weight ever so slightly so he could get an attack in on the human if the ruse didn't work.

"You mind?" he drawled studying the thug with blasé flair. "We're kinda in the middle of something."

"Yah, we mind, and you refugee scum better remember your place." The thug closed in further and Atton could smell the day old rank juma juice and spice on the guy's breath. "Happens we're lookin' for a man and a woman. Couple o' thieves stole from the Exchange."

"Maybe you didn't hear me the first time," Atton responded, thankful that they'd managed to kill the two guards who could have identified them. "I've been real busy with this rather sweet armful. The Sith Fleet could've come through here and I wouldn't have noticed."

The knuckle dragger craned his neck to see the sweet armful Atton was referring to and his eyes widened with greed. "It's the Jedi! Get her!"

Atton spun Neve clear and launched into an Echani hand combination that crushed the human's nose into his brain. The Gamorrean brought his ax up, only to lose his head seconds later as the silver double-blade of Neve's lightsaber snapped to life. The Rodian went down to a couple of blaster bolts in the back.

He toed the human thug and snorted. "The next time someone uses 'Get her' as an attack plan, I'm shooting them in the head… out of general principle!"

Neve whirled back on Atton, lightsaber still blazing, but no match for the molten silver of her eyes. "That's it. I've had it! I am sick and tired of being chased all over the galaxy. I am not a Jedi, damn it!" She glared at Atton. "And you! I thought you didn't know anything about hand to hand!"

"Uhm… yeah… well, even faking it a guy can get lucky." He stumbled as he scratched the back of his neck. "So, where to next, oh fearless leader?"

"I need to deliver a message to the squid in charge, and you and HK are going to help me." She replied in a hiss, finally shutting down her saber.

"Whooo…. Permanent message."

"Exactly."

**Atton:**

_It didn't take long to clean up the mess with Saquesh, the local Exchange boss. It's amazing how Quarren brains just add to the look of a room. Add some Gamorrean blood and some severed Weequay limbs, and you have yourself a wonderful living space… for a cannock. _

_The worst part was how worn and gray Neve looked. It wasn't any dark side taint, just exhaustion, though I could almost feel the anger rolling off her when she confronted the squid-head. I never expected someone so calm and quiet to have such a temper. _

_Going back to the Hawk wasn't an option I wanted to take, not yet, especially with Kriea breathing down her neck, so I took her to the cantina, and bought her what an old friend called the 'relationship drink of choice' : caffa. _

Neve looked desperately grateful when Atton brought the two steaming cups of caffa to the table. He'd convinced her to take a break and relax because even he could see the pace was killing her. Atton just gave her a half smile as he placed the drink in front of her, and sat down across the way.

"You wanna talk about it, Angel?"

She shrugged, then lifted the cup to inhale the rich scent. "What's there to tell? You've been with me since Peragus. You know exactly as much as I do."

"That's not what I meant, Neve." Atton responded as he added condiments to his cup. "I'm assuming the Order managed to get you to control your vanity, so you probably haven't looked in a mirror lately but you look awful."

She managed a wry smile in response, but there was no life in it. "Gee, this from the guy who said I glowed. Thanks, Atton."

Atton spread his hands and looked up at the ceiling. "Why is it every time I try to be serious somebody decides I'm joking."

"Maybe because you're never serious."

He sighed and looked back at her. "I'd have thought that would make those rare occasions when I am more obvious, not less." He shook his head and continued. "Look, Neve. You can cling to the Force all you want and be all glowy, but you're still a physical being and not just the glowy stuff. And you, darlin', haven't been taking care of yourself."

Sipping her caffa, Neve nodded. "Okay, you're right. I shouldn't be neglecting myself the way I have, but… I can't help it."

"You can't save everyone on this planet, Neve and you're going to destroy yourself trying," he said softly, trying to let his concern show through the mask he usually wore. He considered talking to her about the kiss, but she was starting to relax. There was no way he was going to ruin this quiet time for her.

"So, Neve, you like swoop racing?"

She laughed, which Atton took as a good sign. "Why is it that men obsess about sports?"

"Because women obsess about shopping, and we have to have something to annoy you ladies with." He retorted without missing a beat, then he looked her up in down in a rather obvious fashion. "Which reminds me, the next time we're somewhere civilized you need to buy yourself a better wardrobe."

"What's wrong with my clothing?"

"Well, besides the fact it makes it damned hard to go Jedi incognito… where do you want me to start?" He tipped his chair back slightly and proceeded to rant. "First of all, I don't know how the Hell you fight in those things. What? Is it some Jedi power that keeps you from getting tangled up in them? Second, I can accept they're functional, but they are completely lacking in sex appeal."

"That's to be expected for a semi-monastic order, Atton. Or would you prefer me to wear a Hutt's slave girl outfit?"

"Now that's an idea…" She glared at him and he spread his hands in surrender. "Okay, okay I give up."

"You're hopeless, Atton." But she was laughing as she said it.

"Really? Did I make you laugh?"

"Well… yes."

He grinned at her. "Then my job here is done. Take your time with the caffa, we've still got a bit before we need to go back to the Hawk."

**Atton:**

_I didn't know what I was getting into then.. It took till Dantooine and the Disciple's arrival to bring things to a boil. That's when I found I'd fallen into a trap, and one I didn't want to escape from._

Location: Ebon Hawk, en route to Dxun from Dantooine

Time: 2 months ago

"The ship isn't that big; how the hell is she able to hide?" Atton muttered as he searched the Ebon Hawk. Neve went into hiding as soon as they received the message from Mandalorians on Dxun. They hadn't had much time to talk let alone discuss what had happened on Nar Shaddaa and she seemed to be avoiding him in favor of the Disciple's company. _I am not jealous. She's an ex-Jedi, I'm a … Whatever the hell I am. It was just a kiss. Something you've done a thousand times before and it never meant one damned thing!_ He was annoyed with himself for acting like some wide eyed school kid with his first crush, annoyed with Neve for more than he cared to count, and Disciple for just being there. _I'm going to kill him. I swear if he's laid a finger on her, I'll kill him!_ But as soon as the thought flashed through Atton's mind, his stomach clenched uncomfortably. The idea of killing Jedi, even an annoying half Jedi like Disciple made him sick. _When the hell did I start seeing them as people?_ He asked silently, only to answer himself. _When you killed her._

Brushing the chilling thought aside he walked passed the closed hatch of the cargo bay then stopped dead. Nobody closed the cargo hatch on the Hawk. Nobody ever had a reason to. Checking the lock Atton sliced through the encryption with a bit of difficulty, and he recognized the handy work. Poking his head in Atton saw the small sanctuary Neve had set up for herself. Sleeping mat, pillows, and blankets all arranged comfortably as she sat in meditation.

"Didn't anyone ever bother to teach you what a locked door meant, Atton?" she asked wryly as she opened her eyes to look up at him.

""Well, sure. But it's a bit odd that someone would _take_ to locking doors. Especially in a place where everyone supposed to be all friendly with everyone else." He replied lightly. "You okay? You've been a bit more reclusive than usual, for you I mean."

"Atton…" There was something in her eyes Atton had never seen before: fear. Even in the worst spots they'd been in, he'd never seen her really afraid, and it was directed at him. No, that wasn't right… it wasn't at him, but for him. "I met someone on Nar Shaddaa who says he knows you."

"Yeah?" he replied suddenly feeling out of his depth. He shuffled from one foot to the other. "Did he say I owed him credits too?"

She pushed herself up from the meditation pose and walked over to him. Each step she took the tension grew and so did the fear. Her gray eyes glittered in the half-light, turning them to molten silver. "This is serious, Atton. He said you weren't 'Atton' at all. That you arrived on Nar Shaddaa during the Jedi Civil War."

There was no accusation in her voice, just a question, but it pissed him off all the same. "I'm as Atton as Atton will ever be!" He hissed sharply as he leaned in, shaking his fist at her. "And your _trusted_informant is right. I did show up on Nar Shaddaa during the Jedi Civil War… With a lot of other refugees."

She flinched, but it was more sensed than seen. "I just thought… Is there anything you want to tell me?"

"No!" He snorted and turned away from her to study the bulkhead. "If I had wanted to tell you, I would have come and told you. Is there anything else?"

"Atton… I thought, I mean…" She stumbled over her words. The Jedi who was so persuasive couldn't find a thing to say. "I just wanted to know…"

"Is this an interrogation?" he asked coldly, as he glanced over his shoulder at her. "If so, you're terrible at it, especially for an ex-Jedi… or whatever you are." He had to drive her away. Neve was getting too close, and if she found out…

"Why don't you just crawl inside my head and try to dig out whatever you're looking for rather than asking about it? Damn it, I helped you get off Peragus. Without me, you'd have been stuck on the Administration level. I'm trying to help you." He sighed in disappointment and looked up at the ceiling. "I don't know why I'm bothering."

Neve wrapped an arm around him, and turned him around slowly to face her. "Why are you trying to protect me?" she asked softly, and the understanding in her eyes hurt him- he knew he wasn't worthy of it.

He disentangled himself from her embrace and tried to put more space between them, both physical and emotional. Turning back to the outer bulkhead he replied. "I don't know. I'm not sure I understand it half the time."

"I want to know where you were before you arrived on Nar Shaddaa, Atton." Neve's voice held no tremble this time. "I have a right to know."

He whirled back on her, furious his own brown eyes glowing molten in the light of the bay. "You know what? Not once have I asked you about the Mandalorian Wars! Not once!" Getting in Neve's face, he continued. "I heard about Dxun. Everyone has. I heard about Serocco. And I sure as hell know about Malachor V! What makes you think you've got the right to interrogate me on anything? You've got plenty of lives to answer for- all you Jedi do."

She returned his stare, and he could almost see the thousands of dead he had sensed screaming behind her eyes. "I… I did a lot of things I wasn't proud of, Atton. And I am sorry for the lives lost," her voice dropped to a whisper, "on both sides."

It was an opening, and he had to ask. "How did you even live with yourself after Malachor? Is that why you went back to the Jedi Council? Hoping they'd kill you?"

"It wasn't like that…"

"Wasn't it? But Jedi don't kill, do they? At least not their prisoners. Maybe you were counting on it when you went back in chains." His mouth sketched something that could have charitably been called a smile, if the individual in question was a kath hound. "So you got off easy-you were exiled, brushed under the cargo ramp, just another dirty little Jedi secret."

Atton leaned in to whisper in her ear in a voice that was all velvet and menace. "I'll tell you- all those Jedi at Malachor? They deserved it. Every last one of them."

The resulting backhand, in itself, wasn't a surprise to Atton. He'd been courting it since the conversation had turn to his past. He'd earned it many times over, but the only two things that surprised him were that it had taken this long, and the power behind the attack. He'd been knocked flat, and could taste the copper of blood on his tongue.

Standing above him as angry as he'd ever seen her, Neve began to shout at him. "You weren't there! You have no idea what happened!"

Wiping the crimson from his mouth with the back of his hand, he laughed at her. "Oh yeah? Shows how much you know. Maybe you're wrong about a lot of other things, too." He let the unspoken _maybe you're wrong about me_ hang in the air.

She stepped back, finally horrified. Tears glittered on her cheeks, as her gaze dropped to the deck. "No one deserves what happened at Malachor, Atton. Not the most corrupt Senator or the darkest Sith Lord. How can you say that Jedi deserved that kind of death?"

The bleeding slowed as he pushed himself upright and took her hands in his own. She looked up at him, with pleading in her beautiful eyes, but he couldn't stop. Not until he'd driven her away. Atton had sworn to protect Neve at any cost… and that meant even from himself.

"Because," he spoke to her in a soft deadly voice, "Jedi lie. And they manipulate. And every act of charity or kindness they do, you can drag it out into the light and see it for what it is." Dropping her hands he hugged himself, suddenly feeling a terrible chill. He looked away from her as he finished. "The galaxy doesn't need Jedi arrogance or Jedi hypocrisy anymore."

"No, the Jedi are guardians of the peace. They… we aren't like that," she protested in a voice so sincere his heart nearly broke.

"The Jedi… The Sith… you don't get it do you? To the galaxy, they're the same thing, Neve." He wondered if she would realize he wasn't including her in the 'they'. "Just men and women with too much power, squabbling over religion, while the rest of us burn." He looked up at her again, expecting to see condemnation in her eyes but instead he was faced with a boundless compassion. "At least the Sith are honest about what they're killing for. The Jedi are pacifists… except in times of war. They're teachers… except when it comes to telling their students the truth." Atton couldn't hold back the pain anymore as the memories came flooding back to him. Unshed tears choked his voice as he spoke, more to himself than to her. "And when they save you, it's only so you can suffer more."

"Atton, I…"

He tried to shrug off her concern. "You shouldn't get too attached to me anyway. I don't like it."

"What?" she asked as she stepped back, pain scrawled all over her face. "Why not?"

"See, there's another thing you're wrong about. You think one kiss is a commitment?" Atton's tones were matter of fact, his face stone. "Not for someone with my habits. I'm a deserter, sweetheart. It's what I do."

"You served in the war?" The compassion was back, and he just couldn't understand it. How could she still feel anything for him after all he'd said.

Atton turned away. He couldn't look at her anymore, not and do what he had to. It was time to tell her the truth, all of it. If that didn't drive her away….

_Is that what you really want, Atton?_ the soft voice of his conscience asked. And the fact he couldn't answer himself scared him. He'd backed himself into a corner, and there was no way out. But it was for the best.

He shrugged trying to be off handed as he could. "Served in both of them. Against the Mandalorians, before and after Revan, and again… when Revan declared war on the Jedi."

The chill he felt increases as she spoke in a voice that could freeze Tibanna gas. "You were Sith?"

"It's just a name, Neve- it's what we did that was important." He could feel the horror and anger that filled the bay. This was what he'd wanted after all. It was time to go in for the kill, figuratively speaking. "But it was more than that. You were there, you knew how easy it was to hate the Jedi who sat back 'evaluating' the threat… And watched us die against the Mandalorians.

"We needed the Jedi during the wars more than anything, when we were being slaughtered by the millions!" He looked at his hands as he counted off the slaughters he'd witnessed. "Serocco, Duro, Eres III." Atton managed a laugh, but there was no humor in it. "You probably don't know this but the fires the Mandalorians lit on the Xoxin planes are still burning… War's been over for 10 years and they're still in flames.

"Without the Jedi who turned on the Council - without you, the Republic would have lost the war, and we'd all be Mandalorian slaves or corpses." Atton kept studying his hands, with his back toward Neve, as if the answers were somewhere in his palms. "We were loyal to Revan, she saved us."

There was a thaw in the ice, and Neve's voice held no more condemnation. "So you followed Revan- like I had. How can I blame you for something I did as well? I'm sorry, Atton."

Unwillingly, he looked up to find she'd moved in front of him. He tried to laugh, but it just came out a dry cough. "There's that new house rule again. I don't think I'm ever going to get used to hearing a Jedi apologize."

Guiding him over to the sleeping mat, she gestured for him to sit down. "Get comfortable, because I should probably hear the rest of it."

He sat but shook his head. "You don't want to hear this."

"I need to know, Atton. Please."

Biting his lower lip, Atton began again. "After Malachor, after the Mandalorian Wars, that's when the Sith teachings started spreading through the ranks. We knew where our loyalties lay - to the Jedi who came to help us, not the ones who sat back on Dantooine and Coruscant, watching us die." This admission was something he couldn't run from, so he took a deep breath and finished. "So when those same Jedi who watched us die decided to start fighting us during the Jedi Civil War, we fought back. I fought back."

She shook her head as if that would negate the awful truth. "No, that's not true. I don't believe it."

"Of course you don't. Nobody would, and that's why I was so good at it." He looked deep into her eyes, making sure the next words hit home. "I wasn't fighting them, I was killing them. People say killing Jedi is hard. It's not. You just have to be smart about it." Atton began ticking the ways off on his fingers. "Go for their allies, drug them, gas them, make them lose control, torture them. I was really good at it.

"What's worse," he said in almost loving tones, "is that killing them wasn't the best thing. Making them fall... making them see our side of it, that was the best."

"This… This is a little hard to believe."

He snorted, "Yeah, maybe you'll believe this - that when fighting a Jedi, you wound the Padawan first, then let the rest take care of itself. Not only will the master move to protect the student, but the Force bond between the two will mess up the master's head better than any stab wound."

Her eyes were wide with disbelief and a little fear. "How? I mean, where did you learn to do this?"

"I taught myself... techniques. It's hard for Jedi to sense what you're really thinking if you throw up walls of strong emotion. Lust, impatience, cowardice... most Jedi awareness doesn't cruise beyond the surface feelings, to see what's deeper." He knew his voice was taking on a lecturing tone, but it made it easier to talk about. "And I was good at that, throwing up walls, and my superiors knew it. Sometimes the Jedi on our side wouldn't even realize I was there."

She reached out to him, her fingers brushing against his cheek. "So this is why you act the way you do."

He managed a sad half smile in response. "Part of it. Maybe it was always me. It's hard to tell sometimes. I haven't known who I am for years. But yeah, I had a talent for it. More like instinct." He covered her hand with his own, savoring the press of her flesh against his cheek. "I know you left at the Mandalorian Wars, so you don't know much about what went on behind the scenes in the Jedi Civil War. But Revan understood one thing - the real battle was going to be fought between the Jedi on both sides. That was the only battle that mattered."

"So it all came down to the Jedi," she whispered, "and the Force."

"Exactly, and so Revan trained elite units as assassination squads to go out and capture enemy Jedi." The self-loathing and shame welled up in him even now. "I was in one of those squads."

"Wait, you said capture… not kill?"

He nodded, letting go of her hand. "Yeah, Revan had plans for all Jedi. I think it was important that the Jedi see her side of things, the Sith teachings. She wanted to break them. And then have them join her."

He shivered, whether from cold or from fear, Atton couldn't tell. Neve took his hands. "Atton… you're freezing. Come here and let me warm you up." She pulled him down into a comforting embrace and snagged the blankets to cover them. "Shhh…." She murmured in his ear. "It'll be all right, I promise."

"No, it won't… Neve, there's more. A Jedi, a woman. She… she gave her life for mine. I… never knew her name. She sought me out. She said she had come to save me." He looked at Neve as if for the first time and another wall he'd put between them came crumbling down around him as the words just poured out.

"She said that Revan was doing something terrible to Jedi within the Unknown Regions. That when we captured Jedi, they were sent to a place designed to... break them." He stumbled over himself, as remembered fingers gripped into flesh, choking, rending. "And that anyone in her service who showed any ability with the Force was sent there too, to turn them, to break them into Dark Jedi... or assassins trained to kill Jedi. She said that's what would happen to me - that I had the Force inside me, that's why I was so good at killing Jedi." The imagined grip grew tighter choking the words out of him. "And that when the Sith learned of it, there would be no escape, no turning back. I would become an instrument of the dark side, forever."

Neve cuddled into him, holding him tighter, as if to shield him from the pain. It gave him strength to continue. "I had heard talk in the ranks, troops vanishing. I knew what she meant, but I didn't believe her - or want to believe her. So I did to her what I did with all Jedi. I hurt her… a lot. And then, right when I thought she couldn't take anymore - she showed me the Force. In my head."

The memory of that one terrible, yet strangely glorious moment filled him again. The horror of the Jedi's death, and the awe of feeling a part of something so much greater than himself mingled in his speech. "And I felt everything she felt, and I heard just an echo of what the Force was. And how what I was doing... I think I loved her, but it wasn't that kind of love. It was the kind of love where you're willing to give up everything for someone you don't even know."

_The way,_ that small voice intruded, _you love Neve._

Atton had expected revulsion, fear, maybe even hate, but again all Neve offered him was the boundless compassion she'd shown to so many on their journey together. "That is what it means to be a Jedi, Atton. Nothing more, nothing less."

It was now his turn to be the one terrified. If he finished the story and she didn't turn him away, what would that mean? Making a last deserate attempt, Atton pulled away from her. "You don't understand!" he said, in a voice torn with despair. "I killed her for crawling in my head, for showing me that. But before she opened her mind to mine, my only thought was that I would love to kill her. And at the end, I killed her because I _loved_ her!"

"Oh, Atton," Neve studied him without comment for a long moment. "You've borne this for such a long time, when a lesser man would have crumbled. I just wish I could take the pain away."

He continued as if she hadn't spoken. "In the end, she sacrificed herself to keep my secret, to prevent the Sith from knowing about that touch of the Force inside me. She wasted her life to save me. Me! And I felt her die, when she opened her mind. I've killed Jedi, like I said, but I was never there to feel it, to be on the receiving end." He sat up, head dropped in shame as the tears finally came. "And after that, I couldn't stop feeling things - before, guilt, lust, impatience, it had been orchestrated to get close - now, it all just kept tumbling out - and I couldn't keep doing what I was doing. So I left. I fled with the displaced war veterans to Nar Shaddaa and I lost myself there, until the war came to an end. I wanted no more of Jedi, or Dark Jedi, or the Force. I just wanted to be left alone."

Taking a deep breath as he tried to regain control, Atton's voice became almost reverent. "And then I met you on Peragus."

Neve reached out for him again, caressing the tears away. "And it was the best thing to ever happen to me, Atton." He tried to speak, but she pressed a finger gently to his lips to silence him. "I know you won't believe words, love, so let me show you. Trust what I see for once?" With that, she captured his lips with her own.

Like before, he felt her tremble, but the kiss was surer, more knowing. Warmth replaced the terrible cold he'd felt as he opened his mouth to her. Tongues danced together, sliding over one another, exploring, searching. It wasn't the physical that trapped Atton, but the vision in her mind. He saw himself as she did, flawed, and human, but loved both for and despite those flaws. Loved because he was Atton Rand, and not because he needed to be saved or what he could do for her. No one had ever offered such unconditional acceptance, and he felt humbled and warmed by it.

Laying her on her back as the kiss continued, he let her inside in all the ways he had been afraid to before. The sensual caress of her mind made brought a growl from low in his throat. His own hunger merged with hers, building higher and higher. Love, lust, and passion surged between them, with the lust spilling over like rivers of fire.

The kiss broke with Atton gasping for breath, looking into her eyes as she lay beneath him. Love and lust shown in those gray eyes, and her cheeks were flushed in the light of the bay. He wanted this but he had to ask, had to give her the choice. "Neve, do you want this?"

"Yes," she murmured, smiling up at him with those shining eyes. "I've wanted this since I saw you on Peragus. Don't stop now, Atton."

He leaned in, gently breathing in her ear. "As you wish."

It was a while before kiss Neve again he murmured to her, in a teasing voice. "I think I made a big mistake."

Her eyes-wided as she asked, "What mistake?"

Atton grinned as he pulled her close. "Ever even touching a woman beforeI met you." he said wickedly as he began to make love to her.

The glow that Atton has seen before around her intensified to a brilliance that would have left him blinded, had it been real. But instead that glow reached out to him, enshrouding him in light. Love, lust, passion, joy, pleasure all flowed between them as they rose higher and higher in this most ancient of mating dances. And then came the fall… exhilarating and joyous as they clung to each other. And in that last moment, Atton Rand realized he had lost. He could no longer tell where he ended and Neve began, and he didn't care.

It was a long time before either spoke, as they were content to hold each other and revel in the release. Finally, Atton felt her shiver slightly from cold, and pulled a blanket up to cover them. Nuzzling into her hair, he asked, "So, I'm figuring asking if it was good for you too is kind of redundant."

She kissed him again, her eyes bright with tears of joy. "You know what's in my mind and my heart."

"Yeah and it's kinda eerie in there," he replied jokingly as she punched him in the shoulder. "Ouch! Okay, okay, I surrender already." He softened as he kissed the tears away. "I've never known anyone like this before… And I wish my old man was alive… I think I'd want to tell him he was right.

"Hmm?" she asked, drowsily curling tight against his chest.

"When I was 12 I had 'The Talk' with my dad, as I'd already discovered girls and was pretty much doing what you'd expect…"

"Cutting a swath?"

"Well… yeah… anyway, he gave me the lecture, and I asked him if there's any difference between casual sex and actually bring in love with your partner." Atton smiled at the memory. "He told me that when it's real, it stops being just sex. I never believed him. Until now."

"I think I know that feeling," she whispered into his chest.

Atton decided he should just bail on the innuendo and tell her. "I love you, Neve."

Feeling the gentle caress of her mind on his, she murmured, "I love you too."

The moment was too intense and he needed to back away a bit now he'd told her how he felt. "And if this is what happens when we argue, remind me to do it more often. Though leave out the slap next time will you?"

She shook her head, and allowed the topic to change. "You had it coming."

"Yes, yes I did, though I didn't understand how you could forgive me so fast…"

"And now…"

"I've seen life through your eyes," He admitted quietly. "And I understand what drives you now. I'm not sure if I could describe it, but I've felt it, and it's a part of me too. Before, there was too much pain for me to confront it, but now, knowing what I know… I want to learn the ways of the Force. I want to learn the Force to protect you, and help you protect others."

The brilliance returned as she smiled. "I'll train you, Atton, if that's what you want. Just close your eyes"

The irreverent part of him wanted to comment he hadn't recovered yet, but he reined that part in. Closing his eyes, he felt the soft deft touch of her mind, gently easing away barriers he hadn't even known existed. And as they fell, Atton was greeted by a starscape, vaster than the galactic jewel box he fell in love with when he was five. The lights against the vastness varied in strength and color, and he could see the faint silvery threads that connected him to all other life in the galaxy. But there was a brighter more distinct golden thread that he traced to Neve. Her light was riddled with holes, but both golden and silver threads anchored her.

A chill shuddered through Atton as he traced one of those golden threads to its source. It wasn't a light at all, but darkness, a tainted hole in the galaxy. And he recognized the Dark Side.

"Awaken, Atton." She called to him with voice and mind, and he opened his eyes. It took a moment, but he realized he didn't feel all that different.

"Hey, I'm still… me."

She laughed at him. "What'd you expect, I'd turned you into a gizka? This has always been a part of you, but you deafened yourself to it. Now you can hear."

Very carefully, he reached out for her with his mind and soul with the gentlest caress he could manage. She smiled. "You've taken your first step into a larger world, Atton."

"So, do I have to call you 'Master' now?" he asked. "Because in case you haven't noticed, I'm not a 'Master' kind of guy."

Neve smiled at him and shook her head. "We'll never be anything but equals, Atton. You're my partner, my love, my friend, and we'll teach each other."

He nodded. "I think I can live with that." Kissing her one last time he reluctantly began to dress. "And on that note, I better check what's going on in the cockpit. We should be at Dxun soon, and it's going to take some fancy flying to keep us off Onderon's sensor net."

Neve bit her lip, and then relented. "We all have our duties."

"Yeah," he agreed as he pulled on his jacket. "But when this is over, you and I are going to go somewhere with a nice large bed, and no Sith looking for us. And I won't let you out of that bed for a week!"

She blushed and the soft smile was just for her. "I take that as a date." He kissed her one last time and opened the door and left the compartment.

Where Kreia was waiting for him. "What did you do?" she asked in an acid tone.

"I told her… I told her everything," he replied calmly, but his euphoria evaporated into the singing tension that always preceded combat.

"That is not what I asked."

"Well it's all you're going to get, Kreia." He told her as the tension rose. "Contrary to whatever twisted belief you hold, Neve is adult. She's not your disciple or your kid, so what she does and who she does it with is none of your concern."

"You fool… You are tampering with things you don't understand."

"Look at it this way. You don't need threats to keep me with her, but you and I are history."

Her laugh was full of contempt for him. "Did you ever think I truly held you? You are more of a fool than I thought. What truly held you was you - and let me show you why. I once held the galaxy by the throat..." She paused and smiled a sickeningly corrupt smile.

"...as you once held her by the throat, and let her die slowly. And your emotion at that point is what you fear." Kriea leaned in, whispering in his ear. "I can unlock that part of you anytime I wish. It is a simple thing, the human mind. Once it feels something strongly, it becomes etched in the memory, the subconscious. Shall I show you? That part of you that hungered to kill Jedi, that took pleasure from it?"

He felt the pressure against his shield, but this time he was ready. He struck back, grabbing her by the throat and cutting off her breath. He held her for a moment, letting the seemingly frail old woman gasp for breath. Then he set her down, and there was no victory in his voice as he spoke, just harsh truth.

"Next time you try and do that to someone, make sure they're going to lash out at who you expect. And one other thing-- if anything happens to Neve, pray that I'm already dead." With that Atton turned and walked away, all the while feeling the invisible daggers at his back.

**_"Only the truly powerful_********_or those who have nothing to lose_********_can love with a free and unburdened heart._********_For they are invincible"_****_  
_****_-Stephen Hayes_**

Location: Trayus Core, Malachor V

"_The dark is generous, and it is patient, and it always wins-but the heart of its strength lies in weakness: one lone candle is enough to hold it back._

_Love is more than a candle._

_Love can ignite stars."_

-Matthew Stover, Author of Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith

**Neve:**

_There is no emotion; there is peace. The Code rings hollow after all that has happened. Kriea said that all roads lead to the end, and it is the journey that matters. This journey is about to end… and to end it, I must kill a woman I once respected, though I didn't always agree with, to save the man I love. Selfish thoughts for a Jedi? Maybe, but in a strange way, this is a case of Jedi heal thyself. _

_I didn't want to hate Kriea, but I do. I hate her for what she did to Telos, to all my companions, to me, to Sion, and especially to Atton. I can feel his pain, and the bond between us one of two things keeping him alive, though I doubt Kriea or Atton realize this. He's in too much pain, and she's too arrogant._

_I am a Jedi. I am a master of weapons and battle, but some battles are fought with mind, heart, and conviction. This is one such battle. I will not let my hate rule my actions, but if Kriea starts this fight, I will finish it._

_I just pray I have the time…_

**Darth Traya:**

_She comes. She defeated Sion, and by methods that were surprising. I did not think she would try to sap his will, but she did so. The Exile continues to impress me even now. _

_Though it bothers me how incorrect I was about the fool. I knew he had crossed our paths for a reason, but I could not foresee at the time the truth of his purpose. Even now, I do little to maintain his life, as each feeds off the other's strength in a true symbiotic circle. Their bond, in its way, is stronger than the one I forged with the Exile, but maybe due to it being a natural pairing rather than one forced upon her. _

_Even as we approach the critical moment, our bond weakens. Our death will be such an echo that this galaxy will be deafened to the Force forever more, and will be truly free. But all depends on my bond to the Exile._

_I just pray she arrives in time._

Neve entered the core of Trayus Academy, striding implacably down the long walkway toward the central megaliths. Her face was expressionless, but her eyes glowed with a dangerous light that flared when she saw Atton hanging from one of the stones. His body was done in a mockery of Sion. and his left arm was severed below the elbow. The flicker of life gleamed faint in her mind, and that served only to raise her ire further. Shoving her anger into a mental closet she turned to confront the author of all this pain.

Her voice was cold as the ice of Telos. "Kriea."

"You have finally arrived." Kriea smiled slightly at Neve. "I hope the tests I set for you did not trouble you overmuch?"

"It's over, Kriea."

"You surprise me, Exile." Kriea replied scathingly. "No attempt to save me, to allow me to redeem myself? How very un-Jedi of you."

"Would you have accepted if I offered you that spiritual collapse?" Neve shook her head. "I know you far to well, Kriea. Or should I say Darth Traya? You would never accept a chance at redemption."

"How true." The older woman signed in mock disappointment. "Maybe I should not have trained you so well, Neve. But that is in the past, and it is the present we must deal with." Igniting her lightsaber, Kriea saluted her pupil. "It is time."

**Atton:**

_Even dying, I can feel the fight, and it's like being caught in a Tatooine sandstorm. And I'm only on the fringes. Can't imagine what it's like in the center of that mess. But when Kriea dies, I go too. I just wish Neve didn't have to be here to see it._

The double bladed lightsaber arced in a streak of silver, cutting Kriea down. Her body collapsed to the floor, and nothing happened. No fading form or crackling red light to take the body.

Neve paid no attention as she reached out with the Force to take Atton down from where he hung. Running to his side, she gather him in to her lap to examine his wounds, praying she'd have time to heal him enough to get him back to the Hawk.

His eyes fluttered open and he looked up at her.

"You're alive," he gasped out as she sensed infection that had taken a hold in his body. "Did I... save you yet? Your eyes-- that bad, eh? Always was ugly." He began to choke as blood flecked his lips. "Now the outside matches. Was waiting for this, but...S' not fair... let you down..."

Calling upon the Force for healing, Neve chided him gently, "Don't be an idiot, Atton. You never let me down."

"Was s'posed to save you. S' tired of living anyway... too many deaths..." he muttered in slightly delirious tones.

"You did save me, Atton. I couldn't have made it through this without you." She replied slightly distracted as she poured the healing energy into him, fighting against his desire to die and the terrible wounds Sion inflicted upon him.

He tried to turn away from her, but hadn't the strength. "I don't want you to see me like this. I don't want to die in front of you. Can't bear it," he pleaded and then quietly looked her in the eyes. "Loved you from the moment I first saw you; thought you were a dream. Never imagined you'd feel the same way."

"But I did, Atton." Tears formed in her eyes, and began streaming silver down her cheeks. "Stay with me. Don't die on me."

He tried to laugh, but began to cough instead. As blood flecked his lips he spoke in a voice filled with sadness. "You… saved me, Angel… Thank you."

Atton's eyes closed once more, his breathing became shallow, and the flicker of life faded further into darkness.

_Damn you! _And her mental scream echoed to the most distant parts of the galaxy through the Force._ It's not his time!_

_No, it is not._ An inhuman crystalline voice sang in her mind. _A deal we make, yes? Healing for healing?_

_Who… What are you?_

_Come you must… to me. Heal me. Agree, and save him I will._

_Yes! _Neve replied franticly as Atton slipped closer to darkness.

A star ignited in her mind, fueled by her love. Its light consumed her, burning her senses as power poured into her. Through their bond it screamed like the tidal currents of Manaan's seas, or the sand storms of Tatooine or the desperate life currents of Nar Shaddaa.

As abruptly as it came, the light left, but in its place she saw a small green moon, lush with life orbiting a red gas giant.

_Yavin. There begins your search,_ were the fading words of the entity that had come to her aid. Neve could only nod, and collapse.

Location: Lumare, Unknown Region

Brenna Skye Solo, once known as Revan, shivered as she opened her eyes. The disturbance in the Force she had just felt was like nothing she'd ever experienced. That it had caused a resonance in the ailing Cave of Voices. Considering the Cave had once been a place of healing and a powerful nexus of the Light Side of the Force before Exar Kun dug his claws into it, even the tiniest disturbance was a signal to be wary. The corruption Kun had left behind affected all life on Lumare. Trying not to focus on what she couldn't prevent at the moment, Brenna went back to her loom. She'd taken up weaving after the ship she had managed to salvage from Malachor V had crashed here.

:Damn, I just wish I knew what happened. The Cave's been quiet for months, what now:

Gliding out of the summer's darkness came the willowy silhouette of the shaman of the Northern Lights Clan. Her hair was long and blue-black, with the gem colored eyes of the Lumare people. That she came dressed in the robes of her office meant this was an official visit, rather than a friendly call from Je'hann. The shaman walked up and warbled politely to let Brenna know she was there.

When the Jedi acknowledged her visitor, Je'hann leaned in and studied the cloth on the loom for a moment, and then began to sign with her hands, Sorceress, your weaving goes well, I hope that he for whom you make this betrothal gift truly appreciates your work.

Brenna blushed. "I'm sure he will-- if I ever see him again, that is. And Je'hann, you don't have to make small talk. I felt the disturbance. I assume the auguries speak of this?"

Yes, Sorceress. The time is fast approaching, and the rest of the Chosen shall arrive soon, she signed smiling. All will be healed… including, I think, the rift in your heart.

Brenna studied the other woman for a moment, and sighed. "I hope you're right. For all our sakes."

Location: Ebon Hawk in transit from Malachor V to Telos

Neve rolled over and winced as her body screamed in pain. _I must be dead,_ she thought to herself. _It's impossible to hurt this much and be alive._

_If you're dead, sweetheart,_ came a beloved and familiar mental voice- _Then so am I. And while I'm minus a limb, I'm pretty sure I'm still kickin', so stop complaining and let me dull the pain._

Warmth flooded her body, easing the pains, and she was finally able to open her eyes. Squinting up, she saw Atton, completely healed but for the arm, sitting by her bedside in the medical bay. "How'd I get here?" she asked, her voice still filled with fatigue.

"I came to about the time you passed out," he replied looking at her with concern. "I managed to get the comm link working, and got Mira and HK-47 to come get us. The droid wasn't happy about being used as manual labor, but I told him if he didn't want me to scrap him for spare parts he'd comply."

She laughed weakly. "Only you would threaten an assassin droid, Atton. You're crazy…"

He laughed. "Never said I wasn't… Then again, I hang out with Jedi these days so the fact I'm nuts is a forgone conclusion." He paused and he schooled his face into serious lines. "Thank you for saving me… again."

Neve tried to laugh, but it came out a dry cough. Atton stood, and returned a moment later with a glass of water. Nodding her thanks, she sipped on the water and then spoke. "I tried to save so many people I never even knew throughout the galaxy, how could I not try and save the man I love?"

His remaining hand reached up and squeezed hers as he sat back down. "Love you too, Angel." He then shrugged his left shoulder. "We made it out mostly in one piece, and that's something to be thankful for. Bao-Dur and I have already started working on designs for my new arm." Neve raised an eyebrow. "Oh don't give me that, it's going to be something a bit more… traditional." He then grinned like an urchin. "But it'll still have a few surprises."

Feeling more awake now, she groaned at the look on his face. "I'll bet."

Squeezing her hand once more, he said. "Hey, at least it's over."

She nodded, but in her mind's eye she saw Yavin's moon, and felt the Force calling her there to redeem her promise. She knew her next trial was only just beginning.

The Beginning:

_There are, in the end three things that last: Faith, Hope, and Love, and the greatest of these is Love.-First Corinthians 13:13_


End file.
